So I went to see Fifty Shades Darker. It had to be done. Two years ago, I went to see the first Fifty with my friend Betty. I’d not read the books at that point and was pleasantly surprised by how stylish the film was. I went home and I did read the books (because I wanted to find out what happened), and subsequently re-read the trilogy at least four times that year and the next. I’m not sure why it had such an effect, but clearly it was a phase I had to work through… best not to analyse it too deeply!
Last night, Betty and I, after some serious calendar synchronisation, finally made it out to see the latest instalment.
It is not a good film. It makes me sad to say so, as I was a passionate defender of the first film, which was stylish and tense and had that great sudden ending… this film has none of that. The thing that intrigued me most about this film was, of course, Dakota Johnson’s lipstick. And the most disappointing bit was Jamie Dornan.
Jamie Dornan is a really good actor. I know, because I’ve watched The Fall. I loved The Fall. He was menacing, evil, calculating and really really sexy. I worried about how much I wanted to shag that serial killer… I did not want to shag Christian Grey in this film. I did, however, feel very very sorry for Jamie Dornan, whose acting talents were neglected in favour of him simply removing his clothes. Although he doesn’t seem too bothered about it, as you can see from his grin in the picture – he’s laughing all the way to the bank.
But I digress! Because really the best thing about my evening out was not eating an entire bag of Maltesers to myself, but spending some time with Betty. Having whispered to her at an opportune moment that Jamie Dornan’s acting talents were being shamefully wasted, the next time he appeared in a gratuitous top off shot, doing that standing up pull up thing men do at the gym to show off, and hoisting his body weight above a pommel horse, Betty leant towards me and whispered “he’s a really good actor you know.”
People didn’t quite shush us, but they did look around to see who was making all the noise. You know that thing where you laugh, and someone else laughs and it makes you laugh, and the next thing you know you can’t stop laughing? Turns out that is really what I needed.
And then I discovered that Betty also knows all the words to Jenny From the Block – even the rap part – and You Can Call Me Al, so we passed a very happy journey back home singing along to the Happiness Playlist with the car stereo at full volume, with seat dancing and hand gestures too. When I ate my snack when I got in, I felt a twinge in my jaw, and I realised it hurt from all the smiling.